Hey Kid
by Happykiss
Summary: I thought about the family dynamics they have in the loft. Even though Schmidt has been named the Mother of the roommates, I have a strong feeling that he is actually a kid brother to all of them, even though he might not even realize. Contains non-sexual spanking only in 1st chapter. Don't like -don't read!
1. Nick

After a marathon of watching all seasons of New Girl lately, I thought about the family dynamics they have in the loft. Even though Schmidt has been named the Mother of the roommates, I have a strong feeling that he is actually a kid brother to all of them, even though he might not even realize.

Nick: His oldest friend (as far as we know) and also Schmidt's best mate has got the experience being an actual big brother and I think it shows. He can be embarrassed, annoyed or angry with Schmidt but also cares a lot for him. They even fight like brothers.

I was inspired by episode is S02E04 by the comment with the switch and S03E03 when Nick thought Schmidt might be on drugs.

And of course this is before Jess.

Hey Kid

"Something is not right Nick. I'm telling you man, he is hiding something."

Coach was sitting opposite him at the bar, a beer in his hand and squinting through half lidded eyes.

"You're just imagining things. This is Schmidt we're talking about. He's always weird." Nick said while trying to mix another cocktail.

This bar tending job was working out not too bad and finally he didn't have the pressure which came with studying to be a lawyer anymore. He was free, body and soul. If he could just get that damn tequila sunrise to not look like fruity soup. His life would be bliss.

Coach still stared at him.

"Come on man, what do you expect me to do? Watch him 24 hours a day? Talk to him about his feelings? We don't do that, you know me. Its just not our thing." Nick shrugged apologetically.

"You are his best friend dude. He looks up to you."

"Fist of all, he does not. We're roommates from college still living together because we couldn't find any other solution. He's his own man. I mean look at him now. No more fat Schmidtty, thanks to you!"

Coach proudly nodded his head. "My biggest success so far!"

"Exactly! And scoring a professional office job with them girls was a dream come true for Schmidt. He even gets laid now. All the time. What could possibly be wrong?" Nick pointed out with a 'there you have it' look.

"I'm still telling you something is not right. And I think you know it." with that Coach got up, took one of the failed cocktails and made his way across the bar.

"I hope you put enough magic in that drink, cause that lady over there looks like she's in dire need of a black wizard. Am I right?!"

Nick groaned and turned to the side, seeing Schmidt slide onto a vacant bar stool. "God, you are so going to put extra 10 in the jar for that."

Schmidt just grinned at him and started scanning the area. "When you said you were going to drop out to become a lowly servant, I thought you had lost your mind but this isn't so bad. At least there are always ladys in here. And you have the power to melt their resolve."

Nick shot him a dark look. "You are making it sound like I am giving them roofies. They are just ordering drinks from me, which they are getting on their own free will and mostly even pay for themselves."

Schmidt still grinned at him. "Whatever you say!"

Then he took out a small container and opened it, quickly popping two small pills in his mouth.

Narrowing his eyes Nick asked. "What are those man?"

"These?" Schmidt held up the box for him to see. There was picture of a slim girl with a perfect row of white teeth smiling at him from a package of something named Herbaslim. They were diet pills.

Nick frowned at him. "What's up with that?"

Schmidt didn't look at him and kept searching the bar for a woman to try his luck on tonight. "Hm?"

"Those pills you just popped in like they were candy."

Schmidt sounded incredibly bored and didn't even turn around. "They are helping me stay on the level. No big deal."

"Did Coach tell you to add them to you your workout?" Nick was quite sure already he knew what the answer was going to be.

"No, I just thought it wouldn't hurt to have a little extra. And there she is, my workout for tonight. See you tomorrow Nick." with that he pushed himself off the bar, grabbing one of Nicks cocktails as well and strode over to the blonde woman that had caught his attention.

"Those are not for free goddamn!" Nick yelled after him.

-Two weeks later.-

"What happened to you two?" Nick asked curiously from his spot on the sofa, where he had been watching TV for the better part of the day.

Coach had pushed the door open and half carried, half dragged a dazed looking Schmidt with him. Then dumping him unceremoniously next to Nick in the sofa, he went to the kitchen. Schmidt held one hand to his nose and rubbed his eyes with the other.

"Keep that tissue on and your head up. I get you something for the swelling." Coach called from the kitchen, sounding worried and a might pissed off.

Schmidt nodded, then groaned when he realized the motion just made him more dizzy.

"You are not gonna puke now, are you Schmidtty?" Nick asked and scooted a little further away.

"If he does, he's going to the hospital." Coach was back with them pushing a bag if frozen peas on Schmidts face.

"Ouch! A little more care wouldn't hurt, nurse." mumbled Schmidt from underneath the peas.

Coach glowered at him.

"And I am asking once again. What happened?" Nick looked from one friend to the other.

"This idiot didn't tell me that he didn't have anything to eat for god knows how long and while we were in the middle of our workout he got dizzy and fainted." growled Coach

"I did not faint. I just got a bit unbalanced and you hit me in the face with a weight." Schmidt pouted but it didn't carry any real anger.

"It would not have happened if you were up to your game. Until you come to your senses I don't want to see you in the gym anymore. Got it?!" Coach stomped towards the door and kept mumbling about stubborn asshats costing him his lunch break.

"You okay man?" Nick asked softly when he saw Schmidt wince and scrunch his eyes up at the bang of the front door.

"Yeah, no biggie. I'll be getting up in a minute." he put the cool pack down.

"Dear god in heaven!" Nick drawled out.

He saw Nick looking at him in horror and jumped up. "What is it? Is my beautiful face destroyed? I need to see."  
He raced to the mirror and peered at himself.

Nick started to laugh.

"Haha, very funny Nicholas, kicking a man when he's down already. Not cool man!"  
Schmidt went over to the kitchen, putting the ice back on his nose and started rummaging in one of the drawers. When he found what he was looking for, he popped yet another two white pills in his mouth and washed them down with water.

"I'm sure Coach meant for you to eat something proper now and not to have more of those. How many are you taking anyways. Seems to me that all you munch on nowadays its those pills." Nick told him with his don't-be-an-idiot voice.

"I'm just not hungry right now."

"No shit Sherlock. Those things are repressing your appetite, aren't they? At least eat a sandwich."

"I don't want a sandwich!" Schmidt shouted at him and stormed off to his bedroom.

Shaking his head in disbelieve of that scene, Nick went back to watching TV. But somehow he could not concentrate on the show he had been watching. Coach was right, there was something wrong with Schmidt. Definitely!

It wasn't even the little things like not eating a meal or two. After starting his sessions with Coach, his buddy had also started to eat more conscious and far less then ever before in his life. A tough diet. But while he thought about it, Nick could not remember seeing Schmidt eat at all this week.

He acted different too. Even more edgy and moody then normal, if that was even possible.  
Now the dizziness and fainting.

Nick turned of the TV off and made his way over to the kitchen. Here under the forgotten, now defrosted pack of peas, was Schmidt's drawer. Of course they each had there own storing spaces as well as assigned shelves in the fridge. Nick's for example was filled with chocolate bars and a selection of cornflakes and Schmidt's - contained now a dozen or so packs of different brands of weight loss medication. There was a lot of pills. Some he could not even read, they were from china or whatever country. And most of them had been opened.

'What the hell Schmidt?!' without a second thought Nick grabbed all of the boxes and chucked them in the trash. Then looking at Schmidt's door and back at the trash, he took the bag out and marched off towards the garbage disposal downstairs.

Problem solved!

-Later that day-

"Who's been through my stuff?" Schmidt stood in the kitchen, the drawer wide open and was shouting at his roommates. "Who took my things? Do you know how much those cost?"

"What things man? You got some disgusting eatable sextoys hidden in the kitchen or what?" Winston laughed out loud and highfived Coach. They had just started shooting some hoops when Schmidt had come out of his room. His nose was still red and a bit swollen and one eye had taken quite a shiner.

"I am not kidding you guys! Give them back!" he screamed at them, slamming the drawer shut and angrily stalking towards his so called friends.

"Whoa buddy, we didn't take anything. Relax man. What are you even talking about?" holding his hands up in mock surrender, Winston spoke slowly in a calm voice, usually reserved for nutty cat ladies or the crazy landlord. He looked at Nick for help.

"It was me Schmidt. I threw them away. They were bad for you and there is a reason they have been banned. They are drugs and not the kind that make you happy. They can destroy you." Nick admitted quietly.

Baffled, Schmidt stood in front of Nick and for a second a look of betrayal flashed across his face.

"You think you are so much better then me, don't you Nick. Pathetic Schmidt the looser, you want me to get fat again so you can feel better about yourself! I thought you were my best friend. Guess I was wrong!" Schmidt screeched at him and before Nick could open his mouth he ran back to his room.

"What the heck is going on with him now?" Winston asked into the silence looking at Nick and then Coach in confusion.

But Coach had his gaze trained on Nick and with a sweeping hand gesture he mouthed 'I told you so.'

"All right, all right. I'm gonna talk to him. But you guys owe me, big time!" Nick approached Schmidt's door and sighed heavily as he entered.

Inside, Schmidt was creating a mess. He had turned over his work bag, all contents were sprawled out on the floor and was currently searching madly through all the pockets of his many suits. His breath coming out in sharp hitched gasps and sweat starting to form on his forehead.

"I thought you said it was no big deal. But look at you now. You are acting like a maniac." Nick now raised his voice as well while frowning worriedly at his friend. "You are pale, your eyes are dilated, you are twitchy like hell!"

"It is not a big deal! I'm just so hungry all the time. You don't know how that feels." Schmidt had finally turned towards Nick and his anger was mixed with desperation. "And you had no right to throw my things away!" with that he balled his fists and took a swing at Nick, connecting with his jaw.

"Son of a bitch!" Nick cried out and threw himself at Schmidt, trying to get even. They were rolling around on the ground, huffing and growling, while throwing punches at each others. Finally Nick managed to wrestle Schmidt down, so he was stuck on his stomach, hands pinned underneath him. Panting Nick sat on top of him making himself heavy while catching his breath and pondering his next move.

"Unhand me you asshole! Fight me like a man!" wailed Schmidt from his trapped position underneath him.

"Why should I? When all you've been doing lately is act like a child!" edged on by Schmidt swearing and growling, Nick reached for a slipper, which was sitting on the floor next to the bed and started slapping Schmidts butt.

Giving a shocked squeak, his head shot up and he tried to free himself from his trapped position. "What are you doing Nick! Ow! Stop it! Ow man, that hurts!"

Nick laughed a little at the genuine shock and outrage that bubbled out of Schmidt but kept a steady pace, covering all of the sitting area in slaps.

"Honestly Kid, I am definitely not enjoying this but you have earned yourself this spanking. Listen to some advice for once and take it like a man."

And surprisingly enough he did. Some more smacks later, Schmidt had quieted down and was now making muffled gasps and sniffling sounds into the thick carped, when Nick stopped and let him sit up. He scrambled away until he was stuck between the bed and his back was to the wall. Looking at Nick through big damp lashes, the tips of his ears bright red.

"Nick?" Schmidts voice was barely a whisper.

Still on the floor as well, Nick leaned himself against the bed, facing his friend.

"You did deserve that, man. You had it coming a long time now. Lying and making us worry about you. We care, you know?" Nick let out like a matter of factly.

"That was how you show that you care? You beat me! With a shoe!" Schmidt was still whispering like he didn't trust his voice yet. But he didn't lower his eyes.

"Obviously we care. And I didn't beat you. That was a spanking and I wasn't gonna bust my hand on your fancy jeans dude! Weren't you ever spanked as a child?" Nick ground out.

"Of course not. As my mother is Jewish, she had a much different approach on punishment. I got to help out my Aunty Frieda with her facial waxing or clean all the dishes after Cousin Bernie's Wedding. It was awful. But she never did something like that!" Schmidts face now glowed like he had been in the sun too long.

"Well consider yourself now introduced to a Miller family tradition. My Dad was hardly ever home so my mom dished out the spankings. With a wooden spoon!" he grimaced at the memory. "And later I had to keep Jamie in line. It worked considerably well." he grinned a little at Schmidt.

Schmidt's jaw dropped open. "You spanked your brother?"

Nick gave a little shrug. "Yeah, I mean, I was in charge and he wasn't exactly an angel. I'd do anything to prevent him from making stupid mistakes."

"Because he is your little brother?" Schmidt asked with a shy smile.

Now Nick grinned while nudging him with his foot. "Yes dummy, because he is my little brother."

Schmidt flashed him a toothy smile, his relief practicality spilling over.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, when Schmidt's stomach gave a loud growl and made him look up embarrassed. Nick got to his feet and pulled Schmidt up with him.

"Now, how about that sandwich buddy?"

Schmidt glanced at the door his ears reddening again. "You think they are still out there? They probably heard everything."

"So? What if they did? You had it coming and you know it. And if you do anything stupid like those drugs again, belive me I'm gonna bust your tail again. Got it?" Nick looked into Schmidts eyes and gave his arm a squeeze for emphasis.

Schmidt quickly held his hands up. "Don't worry. You wont have to, I swear. Thanks Nick. For caring I mean."

"Anytime Kid!"


	2. Jess

Jess: For a while I just couldn't get it that sweet, understanding, gentle Jess had been treating Schmidt the way that she did. I know, he cheated on her best friend and all, but how she wanted to get rid of him at her halloween party was quite cruel. So when we met Abby, and the way Jess treated her own family, it started to make sense (to me it did anyways, haha). So this might be after S03E16.

Hey kid: Chapter 2

"Are you out of your mind? What were you thinking?" Jess had started pacing up and down the living room. Stopping from time to time to stare and frown at him. Then, shaking her head, she started to pace again.

"Oh, I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time." Schmidt shrugged apologetically. He had been sat down on the sofa and was forced to listen to Jess ranting on about his relationship with her sister. Failed relationship to be honest.

"I told you to stay away from her. Even Cece told you! Why couldn't you just listen?"

Schmidt held up one hand. "Jess I get it, you feel that she's your responsibility and you don't want her around guys like me. After all, she's your big sister and you want to protect her."

"Yes! And no. Its not like that." she stammered. Then she sat down next to him and punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"Oh shush! Fact is, I know Abby! I have had to deal with her messes my whole life. She doesn't care for anyone but herself. Always has and probably always will."

"So what then pray tell, is the problem?" his forehead was wrinkled in confusion and his eyes had taken that puppy dog expression, that he always denied having. Maybe he actually didn't know.

Jess sighed. "You are such an idiot sometimes. Why do you always fall for the women that will hurt you? First Cece and now Abby."

Schmidt quickly shook his head looking offended. "I'm an adult Jess. It was just sex!"

On that she laughed out loud and gave a little snort at the end. "Yeah right. Just sex. And that is why you blew Ceces Wedding and spend all your savings on a storefront, which my sister will never use to sell her '_creations'_. Or even know about, for that matter.

Schmidt lowered his eyes and a little blush crept into his cheeks. "It wasn't like that." he mumbled.

"Oh come on Schmidtty! You can be such a sweet guy but you can't let women trample on your feelings all the time." she huffed out, blowing up her bangs in the process.

Flustered he blew his cheeks out and started "Excuse me, I -" but Jess didn't let him finish.

"No, you hear me out now and listen good. We all know you can be a douchebag and an idiot sometimes but you are our idiot! Abby might be my big sister by blood but you tend to be my little brother by choice! I don't like to see you get hurt and even less when you could have avoided it easily with just thinking things through!" her voice had picked up volume at the end and Schmidt thought, if that was her angry teacher voice, she could be quite scary when she wanted to be.

He flashed her a meek look and grinning, he made his voice sound younger.  
"I'm sorry Miss Day, I'll try to behave from now on."

Jess smiled back and gave him a quick hug. "You wouldn't be able to if your life dependent on it."

He wriggled his eyebrows teasingly. "Yeah, probably not. But thank you for looking out for me Jess, it means a lot."

"No problem kid."


	3. Cece

Cece: Ok, this was a bit of a tough cookie. I absolutely love the way Cece and Schmidt are together. They would be an awesome couple, if they wouldn't both always mess it up. One can only hope. Oh yeah, this would be a little in-betweener in the S03E14.

Hey kid: Chapter 3

"Why didn't you try to win back Elizabeth?" Cece asked Schmidt suddenly.

They had been dancing for a while now, even though the doormen had probably already abandoned their search for the intruder. And to be fair, he could not be the only one who got in through the bushes. Prince should really invest some of his money in better security and some frisbee lessons wouldn't hurt either.

Schmidt stopped dancing and looked at her. "In case you forgot, she dumped me as well, after you told her about what I did to both of you. She even shamed me with _pie_!" he exclaimed.

"I know that. And it served you right Schmidt. But didn't you try to ask her to forgive you? You came to me. Didn't you explain to her why you did it?" swiftly she snatched a glass of champagne from one of the passing waiters and took his hand, pulling him along. They left the mansion and started walking through the garden.

"Whoa Cece, what are we doing?"

"You and I Mister, are going to have a chat about the choices you have made lately." They had arrived at a small semi-hidden gazebo at the far end of the garden.  
It had vines and white roses ranking all over the sides and the warm night made the flowers give out a heavy, melancholic smell. It was actually quite romantic. Even more surprising was, it seemed completely deserted.

Schmidt cocked his head to the side and gave Cece a mischievous look.

"Oh no. Don't get your hopes up. I said talk and talking is the only thing that's going to happen, my friend." she told him sternly.

Ushering him inside they sat down next to each other. The sounds of the party now dulled and far away.

"We are at Prince's party. The Happening of the year! And you want to talk? We can do that anytime" he whined a little but made no move to leave.

Cece shook her head. "But we don't, do we? Talk, I mean. I have just started to get comfortable being around you again. It wasn't easy for me." she looked at him with a little smile and absent-minded started tapping her finger on the flute of champagne.

"I honestly wanted to know about Elizabeth. I mean, she seemed to have such genuine feelings for you. And she even knew you before you were, well, _you_!"

Schmidt pondered her words before answering. "I think that was part of the problem actually. When she and I met in college, I didn't have a clue about girls. I was just this fat looser, always conscious and unsure of myself. Nick also helped me with that, I guess.  
He shrugged one shoulder

"But Elizabeth was so strong and awesome, not giving a shit about what anyone thought. And she lend a lot of that strength to me. She taught me to be my own person. But I think, afterwards she didn't quite like who I choose to be."

He thought about what he had told her right now, maybe even realizing for the first time, that this was what he thought deep down.

"She kept asking me to be the Big Guy, Fat Schmidt, again but I can't and won't go back to that." he shook his head vehemently and his eyes took a determined look. "She of all people should understand that you cannot hide your true self."

Cece gave a short laugh. "Embracing your inner douche?" she asked, raising one eyebrow.

Schmidt looked at Cece and have a court little nod. "Something like that." he said and smiled.

"You know I have realized something, throughout all the time I have known you. There is more to you than just the one layer. Not only Fat Schmidt or the Douchebag. You are so much more. It's the little things that give you away." she told him firmly.  
"The way you are helping me with my studies, or pay more rent because you know the others can't afford to, or getting Jess to understand Nick better while dropping snide remarks from time to time. Don't you think I didn't notice."

The music was getting louder again and there was a murmur of voices nearing slowly.

"I accepted that we are a family now and even if we fight or do stupid things we always be that crazy bunch everyone denies to be a part of.

"Yeah?" he wasn't listening anymore or maybe he just pretended not to be. He started getting fidgety. Beginning to look from her to the mansion and back again.

"Let's go back Cece. The guys are surely looking for us by now. And obviously you are not going to make out with me, so I still have to impress one of the ladies at that party." he casually blew out. His head was turned now, not looking at her at all but focussing on is the group of people nearing their quiet hideout.

Cece rolled her eyes but that little knowing smile remained. He was doing it again.  
"Yeah, you are right. Let's go back. I'll even help you pick one out."

"You would to that for me Cece?" surprised, one of Schmidt's eyebrows shot up.

"Sure, I'd do that for my brother." with that she took his hand again and tried not to laugh at the outraged look on his face.

They started back towards the festivities.

"Big brother or kid brother?" he asked her after a moment of silence.

"Hm? That, I still have to decide."


	4. Winston

Winston: Why don't we know anything about Winston? Ok, he is from Chicago, basketball in Latvia and he loves his cat. But I haven't got a clue if he's got siblings, and no - Duquan Feldman does not count. Lol. This would be past S02E19.

Hey kid: Chapter 4

_'That stupid fish!_ Honestly, why did he even go along with that ridiculous plan?' Winston thought while he was sitting next to the hospital bed that Schmidt was currently sleeping in.

He had send Cece away earlier, predicting the emotional roller-coaster it would have been for his friend, to see the woman he so desperately desired but could not have.

His friend.

Not just Nick's buddy or his roommate. They were friends now, Winston realized.

When exactly did that happen? At which point did they go from rivals for the position of Nick's best friend, to creating a friendship that could stand on it's very own feet?

To be fair, Schmidt was a strange dude to have around. He was so full of shit, far more excessively now then when they met years ago. But there was always something Winston felt, to be off.

For starters, he didn't even talk to Winston in the beginning without Nick being in the same room. Like he was afraid of him.

Thinking back, he probably was.

Scared of Winston taking his one friend, his best friend, away from him.

Sure, there were other people Schmidt considered his 'friends', like that idiot Benjamin, but Winston could never figure out why. The guy usually treated him like trash.

Winston could feel himself getting angry just thinking about it.

Yeah, it was funny to wind Schmidt up or to go along and prank him. But he would not ever try to purposely hurt Schmidt's feelings. That was not cool.

Actually, it was just like when he was still on the team. You protected the weaker positioned players and in the end you all scored together. Teamwork baby!

Winston smiled at his own thought. Basketball metaphors were the best.  
And it was true too, on the team they were all brothers, no matter their skin colour or upbringing. Brothers all.

And that's what Winston then realized, Schmidt wasn't a threat to his relationship with his oldest friend but kinda more the younger brother.

That was actually how it has always been, Winston thought.

Schmidt had been the annoying extra, the little guy, that an invisible mother always send to go play along with the older boys. Hell, he should have known, it wasn't all that different while they were growing up.

He then smiled when Schmidt started to mumble in his sleep.

"No Cece-fish, don't burn me again! I am sorry for trying to catch you." Schmidt started to get upset in his dream, his forehead scrunched up and his breath getting huffy.

"Come on man, wake up. It's just a dream." Winston lightly gripped Schmidt's hand.

It didn't get him to wake up but the pained expression in his face was disappearing and his breath calmed once more.

Winson watched him fondly. "That's right! You rest now little brother, I've got your back."

A/N

Boooo, so short. But to be fair Winston doesn't get do interact with anyone in this but his own mind ;)


	5. Coach

Coach: I think Coach is amazing big brother material. He actually grew up with 3 sisters (two of them definitely older), seems to have something of a soft spot for Schmidt and usually tries to protect his feelings. Like in S03E10 he let Schmidt think he was the better camper even though he clearly wasn't. Or in S04E04 when Cece and Winston prank them becoming models.

Hey kid: Chapter 5

They were probably going to die out here.

The night had crept upon them slowly and even if there was a search-party looking for them by now, he clearly remembered from the movies that they usually didn't continue during the night.

Out loud he said. "Look, man, how about you go on a bit further without me and if you find anyone, you bring them back here." his voice was steady and sure now but he wished he could have hidden the scratchiness better. He was just utterly parched.

Coach had been fiddling to start a fire but he could not make the spark to ignite. He tossed the two pieces of wood down and turned to Schmidt, who sat huddled in his mud-crusted cardigan across from him.

"Dude, for the last time, I'm not gonna leave you here!" he went over and tried to touch Schmidt's forehead. But got his hands slapped away.

"I'm fine. Yes, I might have developed a bit of a fever but its not too bad. Stop fussing." Schmidt grumbled at him.

"You are unbelievable! Of all the times, now you don't want people to fuss. Last week when you got your finger snagged on a zipper you asked Jess to kiss it better." Coach had to control himself not to yell at his friend. It wouldn't change anything about their situation anyways.

"If you must know, that did hurt immensely! And she didn't even do it!" Schmidt huffed out. "Maybe this is her idea to toughen me up?!" he mused.

"I don't think this was anything she had in mind, man. She just wanted us to try out the course she had planned for her kids treasure hunt. She couldn't have anticipated any of this!" Coach was shaking his head and thought back to the start of this whole mess.

-1 day ago-

"Ok guys, gather round." Jess was perched on the picknick table, four sets of backpacks around her.

"Today we are gathered here to participate it the treasure-hunt experience of your lifetime!" she looked at her friends excitedly. "Come on guys make some noise." she cheered, like she probably had done many times with one of her more unenthusiastic school classes.

The roommates responded with mumbled calls of fake enthusiasm but Jess seemed happy enough because they had actually tried.

"Well then adventurers, the luck of the draw has decided your teams and -"

"Yeah right, as if you didn't pair us up yourself because you wanted to be on the same team with Cece." Nick interrupted her with a snort.

"Anyways, I hope you have decided on team names? Cece and I are 'the Wonderbras' for obvious reasons." She high-fived her best friend who rolled her eyes. "Nick, Winston what have you decided on?"

By now Schmidt practically bounced up and down on his feet. "Us first, our name is way better anyways!" he didn't even try to conceal his childlike excitement. "Coach and I, or as we will be known from now on - _Peanutbutter and Jelly_! Because we're sweet and delicious and everyone just wants to eat us straight from the jar!" he let out in one go.

"Ew Schmidt, that's sick!" Cece said.

"No way, we were gonna be PB and J, you stole our name. Now we have to think if something new!" Nick made the unhappy turtleface.

"Oh I know, we'll be Nick&amp;Winston, no, Winston &amp; Nick. No wait, Nickston, eh no, Winstick! Yeah Winstick!" thinking on his feet had never worked out all that well for Winston.

Nick shoved him to the side, sounding pissed off. "No way we'll be calling ourselves 'Winstick'. Let's go with Winston and Nick and can we now please get this thing done? I gotta work tonight."

"Right teams, you all got a backpack with water, nutrition bars, rope, knife, compass, first aid kit and most important, the treasure map. Of course, you will get your phones back later after we've all completed. You wouldn't want to spoil your own fun now, would you?!" Jess called over to them. "May the best team win!" with that she grabbed her and Cece's pack and headed off towards the forest.

"Hey, not fair! You choose the route and set the riddles!" Winston yelled after them.

"That's why Cece will be the one reading the map and solving the puzzles. Come on slowpokes!" Jess hollered back.

"Alright, let's do this. I think we should go here, do that challenge first Nick!" Winston pointed on one of the markings on the map.  
Nick immediately began tapping his finger on a different spot. "No way, we'll start with this one."

Coach had finished studying the map and tossed the backpack at Schmidt. "I'll be the brain and you the brawn. Let's go."

"I rather think I should feel insulted but my masculinity feels oddly complimented." he exclaimed and started trailing after his teammate.

Nick and Winston continued to bicker about their first challenge.

-Team _Peanutbutter and Jelly,_ 2 h into the race-

"OK, I think we might of better stayed on the trail instead of taking the shortcut I had in mind." Coach scratched his head while thoughtfully looking at the map again.

"What do you mean? Are we lost?" Schmidt panted out. It was the hottest day of the week and he had finished most of his water by now. He had his cardigan tied round his hips and his t-shirt was quite damp already.

"No, course not. I was a boyscout remember? Just give me the compass and we're back on track." with that he held out his hand to Schmidt.

"The compass, right! Funny story! We kind of donthaveitanymore." Schmidt mumbled, his cheeks reddening.

Coach looked at him sharply. "Where is it?"

"Well you know. The pack was heavy and who would have thought we'd be needing the compass of all the things. I might have accidentally lost it." Schmidt was a bit nervous, sweating even more under Coach's disapproving look.

"What else did you accidently loose?"

"Nothing really! Maybe the rope. And the first aid kit was ridiculously big. The muesli bars are still there, all four of them. And the knife. No problem with the knife." Schmidt had been talking really fast and his hands were busy with the straps of the backpack.

Coach groaned. "Right, so practically everything that could have been useful"

"Look man, I thought this exercise was meant to be entertaining for little kids not about becoming a navy seal!" mumbled Schmidt.

"Sometimes I wonder how you made it this far in your life, of all the stupid, idiotic, selfish -" while starting to give the younger man the dressing-down of a lifetime, Coach suddenly stilled and signaled Schmidt to keep quiet as well.

There was a cracking sound from somewhere behind them.

"Nick? Winston? It that you guys?" Coach called out.

"Are there bears in these woods you think?" whispering, Schmidt was now firmly pressed to his side.

"No man, I don't think Jess would let her students run a round here with wild animals On the loose."

Then the rustling of fallen leaves together with the sound of breaking twigs was suddenly broken by an ear-splitting growl. Suddenly two great white tigers sprang down from one of the trees both men had been standing next to.

"Run!" Coach screamed and snagged Schmidt's arm, making the other man loose hold of the backpack. Dragging him in the opposite direction of the beasts, he didn't dare turn around.

Schmidt stumbled once before finding his feet again and following Coach, running for their lives.

They heard another mighty roar, but it seemed to be a good distance behind them now.

Still, both men kept dashing madly through the trees, not eager to find out just how hungry those tigers were.

"Stop, Schmidt!" Coach tried to call out, skidding to an abrupt halt when they reached a steep slope.

Schmidt however, wasn't that lucky.  
"Wahhhh" he screamed as he somersaulted down the hill.

For a moment they didn't even think about the tigers.

"Schmidt, buddy, are you ok? Wait, I'm climbing down." he shouted to the lumpy form of his roommate down at the bottom of the slope.  
When he reached him safely he had to stifle a grin. Schmidt had mud all over his face and leaves were sticking to most of his body. "You look like a cave troll"

"Ow ow ow! I do not! And I have piece of tree poking through my hand." Schmid stated matter of factly and held his hand out for his teammate to see.

Suppressing a gagging reflex, Coach tried not to look at the offered hand, which really did have a split piece of wood lodged firmly between the index and middle finger. "Gah, that's disgusting man!"

"True, but it doesn't even hurt" Schmidt sing-sanged.

Coach was shrugging out of his light jacket and began wrapping it carefully around the wounded hand. At least he didn't have to look at it anymore. Schmidt's state of mind worried him a little, he was most likely in shock.

"Ok, now we have to find a way back. Are you up for that Schmidt?"

"Sure, but can we not go back to the tigers please?" his voice had taken a soft, scared note.

"No wild beasts, got it! We just head that way. And look, suddenly it's not even a problem that you ditched our equipment. I lost the map while running away and you left our rucksack with the man-eating monsters anyways. We'll just go this way!"

"Ok" was all Schmidt offered.

After hiking for some hours without finding any trace of civilization, Coach decided to make camp. Without an actual camp but he was tired and thirsty and he couldn't even imagine how Schmidt felt.

He was worried about his friend, who hadn't said a word for the last hour.

"You sit-down while I look for some firewood and then I'll try to start a fire. Then it will be easier for the guys to find us." he told Schmidt and pushed him down on a rock.

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me." Schmidt said quietly, his eyes lowered. "I know you would have rather been partnered with one of the others. I remember quite well always being picked last in school, when we were making teams. Truth be told, I wasn't even picked, I was just left over."

"What are you talking about dude? I was quite happy to have been teamed up with you." Coach explained while gathering small sticks for a good kindling.

"Yeah right, and why would that be? Because I make such an amazing chocolate- cappuccino maybe? Very helpful outdoors." Schmidt puffed out sarcastically.

"I don't know what you are talking about. You are much fitter then Nick or Jess combined, even Winston who would have gone nuts with those tigers. Also I was looking forward to teaching you a little about the great outdoors. Like my father taught me when I was a kid. It's not your fault you're a cityboy who don't know north from south." Coach was still concentrating on rubbing the sticks together to make a spark but from the corner of his eye he could see Schmidt straightening up, looking more like his old cocky self then he had before.

"What a nice idea. That would have been awesome. Minus the tiger-situation of course." he grinned now.  
"So you went camping with your dad? Your sisters too?" he asked to make conversation and shoo the frightening thoughts of being lost away.

"No, they didn't care much for getting dirty. That's one reason why I always wanted a little brother. To hang out and teach him things, or even fight and get annoyed with."

Schmidt looked at him now, not sure how to reply.

"Well, I guess with roommates like you guys I don't have to wish for one anymore, hey kid?!" Coach smiled at the happy expression on Schmidt's face.

-  
They were rescued approximately 20 minutes later, by a group of hunters and a guy dressed in a red top hat and a black leather coat, with twelve golden tiger emblems stitched onto the back. He even had a leather whip.

As it happened, a traveling circus had a bit of an outbreak situation and there had been five white bengal tigers on the loose.

Reassuringly, they all had ben caught again and no one had actually been hurt.

Even though Schmidt later on always claimed his injury had been caused by ferocious, flesh-eating devilcats.

A/N  
Yay, its finished. I felt really bad because the other chapters were mostly dialogue and quite short. So I thought up some action. Lol. Yeah I got a bit too exited putting tigers in the woods. But hey who cares.


End file.
